Wonderful souls at Muslim Hands

What an amazing Monday. I woke up really rather anxious about the day. I was due to give a presentation to the Muslim Hands team in London (www.muslimhands.org) and I just didnt really know what to expect. I guess the thing I am most wary of when it comes to events/organisations with a religious focus is that I will experience judgement or pressure. I have experienced this in the past, (but I'm happy to say those days are gone). Of course this should never be the case, and was NOT the case when I finally met the team at MH today. Irfan introduced me to the ladies in the team and I have to say I was in awe of one lady Z from almost the moment I met her! What a fantastic soul. She has such depths and serenity about her. She will shortly be relocating in the direction of North Africa and with my love of that particular area I told her she would have a wonderful time, insh'Allah! We also discovered a shared love of reading and on a more superficial level :) I asked her where she got her abaya which was gorgeous and it turns out her mum is a tailor! She is going to ask her for me if she will make something similar for me. FINGERS CROSSED! Her mother could make a mint in this country selling abayas like that - it's exactly what we are all looking for. Perhaps she could show me the ropes so that I can make my own from her basic pattern. My heart is full of gratitude. The meeting was successful and I may have met a soul mate insha'Allah. Z loaned me a book called 'The Invocation of God' which I am very excited to read. She will be insha'Allah a wonderful reference for good reads. We are planning a pilot event to preced a more global event following my presentation, and while I am somewhat overwhelmed even by that I am more overcome by a sense of gratefulness that I have been given the opportunity to so this, that they would trust me with it. I am praying that I can really step up to the mark on this one!

Signs from Heaven

Today I have been what most people might consider clumsy! I reached for my big teacup on the top shelf only to bring down some small esspresso glasses, bashing myself and smashing one in the process. I wanted to do some research on the web, but had to clear my paperwork from my desk before I could comfortably do so. I knocked a reducndant keyboad off its ledge making space for my breakfast bowl during my 'breakfast meeting' with my laptop. Is the Universe trying to tell me something? I think so! It's really more confirmation of the same. I prayed salat-l-istikhara last night for some decisions I was making about which therapist to go for. These signs from heaven are giving me the confirmation that I should use a therapist who can assist me to once and for all clear out the small baggage and historical debris of my life and move forward onto the big desirable goals that I am visualising. So I am trying not to get to annoyed by these little incidents as they are after all the signs that I asked for! I will be working with a young lady called Katie, and I have to say, I am eager for our Thursday appointment! Praise God for the way he leads us if we are willing to listen.

Pnemonia hospital madness

Wow, what a weekend. On Friday evening I took my son to the doctors for abdominal pain and a soaring temperature and he sent us straight to A&E with suspected appendicitis. After several hours waiting one of the paediatricians decided to take a chest x-ray in case there was a chest infection. Fortunately the poor boy avoided having to go under the knife and was quickly taken up to the ward and put on intravenous antibiotics, kept in for observation. Two days and very little sleep later (for me) we are back in the sunny surroundings of our treetop appartment. I was all ready to be business productive after the weekend before, so will now need to pick back up the threads of that resolve and power through some action points that were pushed aside, quite rightly by this weekend's events. A brochure for my new look massage business. I am toying with the idea of going to all female clients which is a tricky one as all my current clients are male! Well, they say if we honour God he honours us so I will throw it out there and see what comes back! There has never been a more important time for female solidarity - I read an article yesterday about harassment of women (by drunk men) in clubs. We are talking actual hands on, crotch-grabbing harassment (that is the women's crotches by the men!) Mishmaool. I'd think it was hype but I experienced something less extreme years ago and a young friend of mine had her skirt pulled up repeatedly by a man in a club just the other day. If there was ever a good reason not to go clubbing that is it! So, my plans to have sociable events for women only must happen sooner rather than later I think! There used to be a thing called 'The Women's Institute' and I think there is definitely a place for a modern version of that. I'll start small and work my way up...

Outer vs Inner

My Inner Human Life is in danger of being eclipsed by my Outer Human Life at present. It is certainly true that what I could is not necessarily what I should do. My music video was released today and watching it back I have to say that it seems like another stage of my life now. There was a time when I shared things that I would not share now, and that video is an example of that. An old friend remarked that the video is very 'sexual' and I redefined her description, specifying that the song is about intimacy and sensuality. Unfortunately I have learned a little more about human nature since then, and realized that for the majority of people sensual=sexual and there is nothing I can do to change that. I am currently planning a new video with the same director and I have to say this one will be in a very different style. Partly because it is a different song, but also because I am much more private now than I was then. Another friend of mine commented the other day that no matter what I do or wear, people are attracted to me, physically or as a person, or both. If that is true I can see that I would benefit from being more boundaried in the way I present myself. It's not like I walk around town in a miniskirt! But it doesnt take much apparently to inspire some people. As I'm writing this I'm thinking 'this is complete rubbish! how can this be true?' in terms of the way people seem to see and read me and their intentions towards me. I don't want to become suspicious and guarded. There has to be a half-way house?

www.marishaweddings.co.uk

In the last week or so I have found at last the impetus to apply for some part time jobs. This followed a week of illness and a blocked base chakra according to my massage therapist who also suggested that it was possible I was not submitting to the need to commit to certain changes in my life, including letting some things go. Basically, I was not following my own inner guidance system. I was resisting progress in my life; delaying my good. I have since noticed little ways in which I delay my good, by procrastinating over small but key tasks. There is no explanation for why I delay on these tasks, they are not awkward or time consuming. I have simply got into a habit of delaying my good due to not believing that I deserve to do the things I want to do and have the things I want to have in life. Utter nonsense! I am happy to say that I can see my attitude is erroneous. Today I managed to mentally commit to starting a wedding planning business with a friend, order business cards for us both and set up a temporary website. All in one evening during which I also treated a client, cuddled my son, met with my music video director and caught up with a friend over the dinner I had cooked. Ok so it's 1am now, but I have my hot milk to wind me down; one late night every now and then wont hurt! Scarlet the unexpected hamster (see previous post)has just woken up - lazybones! See my handiwork at http://www.marishaweddings.co.uk/

Hamster love

That has to be the most spontaneous pet aquisition ever! Wanting to appease my son's desire for a pet, we purchased a Russian Dwarf hamster yesterday. We now have a new resident in the appartment named 'Scarlet'. I was actually amazed at how maternal I feel towards her. Apparently I do have love to give - it's official - I haven't run out! In fact there is a whole lot more in here just waiting for people/furry creatures on which to bestow itself... I sense that somehow this little female fur-ball has a role to play in my spiritual/emotional development. After a week of being more or less bedridden, to find ourselves with an extra family member by the middle of the weekend is surprising to say the least. Relationships teach you about yourself - even a relationship with a pet. It's a commitment after all, a commitment I was not willing to make. And then I made it without even thinking about it, but getting more and more nervous all the time, knowing that I had made a promise to my son by this point. It is not just because of the hamster, but I feel as though parts of me are becoming exposed in the last few days. I met someone new recently through a friend and had quite a deep conversation with him about our mutual spirituality. Afterwards I felt disoriented and realized it has been a long time since I did that with anyone. Certainly with someone who seems to share my approach. I wasnt sure I wanted to reveal that much of myself to anyone - but it just happened. Who knows why.

Shashamarket CRASH

"You're headed for a fall!" my father would say when, as a child, I was at my most elated.

This time though, the bliss was a balance rather than a high. The last couple of days have seen a positively hormonal display of emotion on my part, and feelings of exhaustion despite plenty of rest. The next week or so will reveal the source of this disruption... I feel like I am on drugs - woozy and detatched!