In the last week or so I have found at last the impetus to apply for some part time jobs. This followed a week of illness and a blocked base chakra according to my massage therapist who also suggested that it was possible I was not submitting to the need to commit to certain changes in my life, including letting some things go. Basically, I was not following my own inner guidance system. I was resisting progress in my life; delaying my good. I have since noticed little ways in which I delay my good, by procrastinating over small but key tasks. There is no explanation for why I delay on these tasks, they are not awkward or time consuming. I have simply got into a habit of delaying my good due to not believing that I deserve to do the things I want to do and have the things I want to have in life. Utter nonsense! I am happy to say that I can see my attitude is erroneous. Today I managed to mentally commit to starting a wedding planning business with a friend, order business cards for us both and set up a temporary website. All in one evening during which I also treated a client, cuddled my son, met with my music video director and caught up with a friend over the dinner I had cooked. Ok so it's 1am now, but I have my hot milk to wind me down; one late night every now and then wont hurt! Scarlet the unexpected hamster (see previous post)has just woken up - lazybones! See my handiwork at http://www.marishaweddings.co.uk/
That has to be the most spontaneouspet aquisition ever! Wanting to appease my son's desire for a pet, we purchased a Russian Dwarf hamster yesterday. We now have a new resident in the appartment named 'Scarlet'. I was actually amazed at how maternal I feel towards her. Apparently I do have love to give - it's official - I haven't run out! In fact there is a whole lot more in here just waiting for people/furry creatures on which to bestow itself... I sense that somehow this little female fur-ball has a role to play in my spiritual/emotional development. After a week of being more or less bedridden, to find ourselves with an extra family member by the middle of the weekend is surprising to say the least. Relationships teach you about yourself - even a relationship with a pet. It's a commitment after all, a commitment I was not willing to make. And then I made it without even thinking about it, but getting more and more nervous all the time, knowing that I had made a promise to my son by this point. It is not just because of the hamster, but I feel as though parts of me are becoming exposed in the last few days. I met someone new recently through a friend and had quite a deep conversation with him about our mutual spirituality. Afterwards I felt disoriented and realized it has been a long time since I did that with anyone. Certainly with someone who seems to share my approach. I wasnt sure I wanted to reveal that much of myself to anyone - but it just happened. Who knows why.
"You're headed for a fall!" my father would say when, as a child, I was at my most elated.
This time though, the bliss was a balance rather than a high. The last couple of days have seen a positively hormonal display of emotion on my part, and feelings of exhaustion despite plenty of rest. The next week or so will reveal the source of this disruption... I feel like I am on drugs - woozy and detatched!
www.marishaweddings.co.uk 
