I woke this morning before the dawn, crept out of the bed I was sharing with my gently snoring 4 year old and began to prepare porridge for the last meal before my Thursday fast. Unlike my experience of Ramadan in the summer, my stomach was happy to receive the food! Of course this is just a one day fast, at a time of year when the days are shorter, so the pressure is not quite the same. After I had eaten in the dark living room I heard my son protesting from next door.
"Mummy, you havent been to bed! You have to sleep in the night time!" and as I sat down on the bed next to him he wrapped me into the duvet, settling against me. As far as he was concerned it was far to early to be awake. That was refreshing... usually it is the other way around! After a few minutes of snuggling he was ready to wake and he let me go and take a shower while he watched 'Pirates of the Caribbean' on DVD and drank milk. He even gave me time to do some yoga postures before we both had to dress and get out of the door to the childminder's house.
Unfortunately we had dressed for the snow and not the rain. Within about ten minutes we were both pretty soaked and he needed a good deal of encouragement to keep him moving. The sorrowful farewell followed (poor mother's heartstrings!) and then it was on to work.
David Skype messaged me in the morning, by way of encouragement I think, on his way to Fajr (morning prayer) at some ridiculous time there in New York that included the number 4.
Now it is 1248hrs here in the UK, and having completed the Zuhr prayers (inspired by David) I am back at my desk, hungry and aching in my head, neck and shoulders and contemplating a lunchtime trip to the library. The aching existed before the fasting, something I am seeing a physio for, and not helped by the long walks in the cold, snow and rain! Isn't it interesting though that sometimes I can go a whole morning without even thinking of food, but today, it is at the very surface of my thoughts. David asked me how I am feeling and I told him "There is definitely something going on inside me." It's a feeling I would normally associate with anxiety, something like wrestling snakes. As I observe this occurring however, I wonder what is this resistance? What is it resistance to, and what or who is resisting? My mind? My emotions. I have no idea so I will just observe it for now in true Zen style.
Last night I was consumed again by thoughts of Morocco. My desired visit of one week has expanded to a vision of months. I would love that so much. But the 'how' is a question that remains unanswered. Is this desire about escape or expansion? Again, I will leave the question there and let it settle.
"Mummy, you havent been to bed! You have to sleep in the night time!" and as I sat down on the bed next to him he wrapped me into the duvet, settling against me. As far as he was concerned it was far to early to be awake. That was refreshing... usually it is the other way around! After a few minutes of snuggling he was ready to wake and he let me go and take a shower while he watched 'Pirates of the Caribbean' on DVD and drank milk. He even gave me time to do some yoga postures before we both had to dress and get out of the door to the childminder's house.
Unfortunately we had dressed for the snow and not the rain. Within about ten minutes we were both pretty soaked and he needed a good deal of encouragement to keep him moving. The sorrowful farewell followed (poor mother's heartstrings!) and then it was on to work.
David Skype messaged me in the morning, by way of encouragement I think, on his way to Fajr (morning prayer) at some ridiculous time there in New York that included the number 4.
Now it is 1248hrs here in the UK, and having completed the Zuhr prayers (inspired by David) I am back at my desk, hungry and aching in my head, neck and shoulders and contemplating a lunchtime trip to the library. The aching existed before the fasting, something I am seeing a physio for, and not helped by the long walks in the cold, snow and rain! Isn't it interesting though that sometimes I can go a whole morning without even thinking of food, but today, it is at the very surface of my thoughts. David asked me how I am feeling and I told him "There is definitely something going on inside me." It's a feeling I would normally associate with anxiety, something like wrestling snakes. As I observe this occurring however, I wonder what is this resistance? What is it resistance to, and what or who is resisting? My mind? My emotions. I have no idea so I will just observe it for now in true Zen style.
Last night I was consumed again by thoughts of Morocco. My desired visit of one week has expanded to a vision of months. I would love that so much. But the 'how' is a question that remains unanswered. Is this desire about escape or expansion? Again, I will leave the question there and let it settle.
No comments:
Post a Comment