The Birth of Bliss

The bread of life ;)

The feelings of bliss today are increasing, underlying everything. How can I describe it? It is a deep sense of wellbeing and gratitude for the gift of life and all its colour and movement. It feels wonderful! I'm not saying that I don't have irritable moments but what I can say is that after those moments pass, this is the place I am returning to again and again. Time is passing, events are occuring, but I am feeling more and more centered in myself, so that things wash around me like so much water, and I am the point of stillness and peace.

I believe this to be a direct result of the fasting that David prescribed following our kinesiology session on the phone. How is this? Am I going mad with starvation perhaps? In fact the opposite is occuring! Due to my regular dawn to dusk fast (Mondays and Thursdays), I was initially feeling a drop in energy and resulting emotional disruption, lack of patience etc. However, I realized that this was a result of my general lack of a balanced wholesome diet, my reliance on sugary foods to boost my energy being the main problem. I realized that if I was to continue working in this way I needed to address my nutrition. I made a meal plan, a shopping list and made it a priority. Guess what? I started having the time of my life making delicious, nutritious food for myself each day! A knock-on effect of this was that instead of giving in to exhaustion and allowing washing up to accumulate over the week I actually started doing it daily so that I could use things again to cook the following day. I began to take more notice of our living environment and the niggling in the back of my mind when things needed to be tidied or cleaned transformed into the motivation to actually spend time doing it - whatever time was available. For example last night I baked bread, and used the rising time to clean the bathroom and kitchen! I went to bed very late but it was worth it as the bread is delicious...


I never thought I was any good at domestic activities and I have always wanted to be. Part of my womanhood was sad about that. However it turns out that I AM good at it - I'm great at it! and taking care of my body by feeding myself healthy food and paying attention to our home environment has given me the energy and motivation that I needed. The home fires are definitely burning again, and I feel such gratitude for this process because I now feel more content that I am giving the consideration and attention to my son that he needs. All of these things I have felt as lacking in my life were already present. Now that I am slowly surrendering to the divine and allowing a measure of discipline to bring gratitude to the surface I am able to embrace these gifts for what they are! Not an inconvenience but a blessing.


The transformation continues, so watch this space, but who would have thought that a simple regular fast would infuse my life with so much bliss?

Fighting Snakes

I woke this morning before the dawn, crept out of the bed I was sharing with my gently snoring 4 year old and began to prepare porridge for the last meal before my Thursday fast. Unlike my experience of Ramadan in the summer, my stomach was happy to receive the food! Of course this is just a one day fast, at a time of year when the days are shorter, so the pressure is not quite the same. After I had eaten in the dark living room I heard my son protesting from next door.

"Mummy, you havent been to bed! You have to sleep in the night time!" and as I sat down on the bed next to him he wrapped me into the duvet, settling against me. As far as he was concerned it was far to early to be awake. That was refreshing... usually it is the other way around! After a few minutes of snuggling he was ready to wake and he let me go and take a shower while he watched 'Pirates of the Caribbean' on DVD and drank milk. He even gave me time to do some yoga postures before we both had to dress and get out of the door to the childminder's house.

Unfortunately we had dressed for the snow and not the rain. Within about ten minutes we were both pretty soaked and he needed a good deal of encouragement to keep him moving. The sorrowful farewell followed (poor mother's heartstrings!) and then it was on to work.

David Skype messaged me in the morning, by way of encouragement I think, on his way to Fajr (morning prayer) at some ridiculous time there in New York that included the number 4.

Now it is 1248hrs here in the UK, and having completed the Zuhr prayers (inspired by David) I am back at my desk, hungry and aching in my head, neck and shoulders and contemplating a lunchtime trip to the library. The aching existed before the fasting, something I am seeing a physio for, and not helped by the long walks in the cold, snow and rain! Isn't it interesting though that sometimes I can go a whole morning without even thinking of food, but today, it is at the very surface of my thoughts. David asked me how I am feeling and I told him "There is definitely something going on inside me." It's a feeling I would normally associate with anxiety, something like wrestling snakes. As I observe this occurring however, I wonder what is this resistance? What is it resistance to, and what or who is resisting? My mind? My emotions. I have no idea so I will just observe it for now in true Zen style.

Last night I was consumed again by thoughts of Morocco. My desired visit of one week has expanded to a vision of months. I would love that so much. But the 'how' is a question that remains unanswered. Is this desire about escape or expansion? Again, I will leave the question there and let it settle.